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The smile is deceptive

Downright rubbish. That’s what. So you know how I was just celebrating being rid of Bill the Boot and excited to be out enjoying the world re-opening. Life had other plans and it is now a mismatched déjà vu. I have fractured my right knee. Clearly my right side was just fed up with my left foot getting all the attention so my right knee wanted to join the party. Excuse me, you were definitely not invited so if you would kindly piss right off that would be great. But no. Here we are again fractured knee and back on crutches. Only this time it is worse. I have to balance on my left leg (the leg affected by my cerebral plasy). One word, disaster. So not only do I feel shit about the fact I have screwed my knee and that is just too painful, on top of that when I want to go anywhere on the crutches I am reminded of how weak my left side is and how I have as much balance as a pancake trying to stay on the ceiling, nil.

I reckon it took a month for me to realise something was wrong due to my ridiculously high pain threshold. I have always thought that was a good thing but when I can’t identify that I have had a fracture its clearly causing some mixed messages. Both my doctor and physio were convinced it was just my tendons so why did the bones need to get involved? I just cannot listen to my own body clearly.

Sorry for being the biggest downer but it’s pretty tricky right now as I can’t even bake as I don’t have the option of hopping on my left leg without crutches so carrying boxes of eggs round the kitchen is a no go. On top of which the world is waking up and I feel trapped and reliant on others for every single tiny thing. Not good.

I know things could be worse as is always the case and I am so grateful to be mobile enough to do all that I do but this has been a real set back. Even more so now that I feel I will not be able to do the amount of activity I want to due to the continuous injuries, the only option I feel I have going forward is to do less of what I love which is hard. Really hard. It blows my mind that I have no breakages for 25 years and then bam two fractures in the past six  months, is this just my new normal if I want to keep running like a crazy lady, run, crash, run, crash? That’s not going to work so I need to get my thinking cap on and figure out another solution to keep me sane.

I guess that will just have to be more variety and knowing when to say no or turn things down (impossible for me so not sure how that will work). It’s going to be a long learning curve and I will get there one day but for now I just need to sit still-at least I have the tennis and football.

One thought on “Rubbish

  1. Very late response — but gee your storytelling is just beautiful. `And I see from your Dad’s Instagram that you are going solo – a flat in Battersea. I wish you well in your new home.Love Sheila


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